So, I recently ran across a news story on the Huffington Post about a guy in
Chicago who stabbed a lady to death over a misplaced bag of Halloween candy. Now mind you, I don't typically read through the Comments sections of practically any blog, let alone a news site that is run by a millionaire and now partnered with AOL (hence the dramatic upswing in Kardashian 'reporting' since the merger). But seeing as how I live and work in Chicago, I thought I'd take a quick peek, with the promise to myself that I wouldn't reply to any comments. Well, that lasted about 10 seconds, until I ran across the following gem penned by some aspiring Nobel laureate named "firstamendment3":
"I'm sure he had all the signs when she picked him."
Bearing in mind the substance of the brief news story, I felt compelled to write something. But I was thwarted twice in my attempt because, as per usual, the
Huffington Post deployed the prevailing wisdom of Internet comment moderation, which is that you can say grossly offensive, moronic or irrelevant things as long as you don't use the words 'fuck' or 'shit' (or, apparently, even the words f*ck and sh*t) while doing so. This is what I wrote:
Yeah...women ARE
stoopid. Not only are they incapable of picking out a good man but they're
always talking back when their abusive spouses are kind enough to warm them
about the consequences. You know...like when they say, "I'm gonna f*ckin'
kill you and the f*ckin kids if you don't shut the f*ck up!!" Only a
stupid idiot with a vagina sasses back a man who is so forthright about his
intentions. But worst of all, those stupid women are just the worst when it
comes to losing bags of Halloween candy!
It's like she practically sent him an invitation to get stabbed
repeatedly, with multiple different knives, until she bled out. If she hadn't
been so careless, or ignored the usual "seems like a guy who will probably
kill me over Halloween candy" vibes that he was undoubtedly giving off,
then maybe her kids wouldn't be orphans. Women!
Right?! I know! You can't live with ‘em...but you CAN
gruesomely murder them and take solace that some sexist scumbag assh*le named
"firstamendment3" will help to justify it in the comments section on
the Huffington Post...even if he's too goddamn stupid to read the first
sentence and notice that the stabber was a "male friend" and not
someone who the victim necessarily "picked" in the first place (not
that it makes a sh*t of difference seeing as how only a deranged, woman-hating
psychopath would ever count this as a mitigating factor).
While my comment clearly includes a 'personal attack', the main issue here is certainly not the politics of Internet commentary, but the fact that the Internet (despite its various educational functions and
amazing wonders) also serves a distinct function on an everyday basis. And that is to prove without a doubt the truth of what has been said many times before, and in every language that has ever rolled off the human tongue:
men are
complete dicks.
To be clear, I'm not talking about
the context of this news story, or even the Interwebs, but rather, the big picture of humanity. That is to say: We (men) are responsible for
creating and reproducing the sociocultural conditions in which other men
systematically commit, justify, or excuse grotesque amounts of violence against
women...not to mention gay, transgendered and queer folks. Collectively, men make a profound
argument—whether through their direct actions, their rhetorical denials, or
their multi-tiered apathy—that they should quite literally be bred out of
existence (the
SCUM Manifesto and part three of Shulamith Firestone's
The Dialectic of Sex are sounding less crazy with each passing
day).
In some ways, those of us with
'progressive' sensibilities are the most blameworthy since we're ostensibly
smart enough (or, at least, empathetic enough) to know what's going on, but are
nonetheless too mired in our own liberal bullshittery
("But I'm a good dad/husband/etc" and "
I use my privilege to raise awareness of
sexism, blah, blah, blah") to actually figure out ways in which to
MAKE THIS ALL STOP. Or maybe I'm just
overreacting and our collective historical legacy of war-making,
hate-mongering, and ritualized abuse of the planet and its inhabitants is
totally offset by, like, football. Or
big meat sandwiches. Or something.
*sigh*
But don't fret, guys…you don't have to actually think about
this stuff, let alone do anything about it. Before you know it,
Salon.com
or the
New York Times (or
others)
will trot out
some more Darwin-fellating neuroscientists who can 'prove' that all of this is
just 'natural' anyhow because it's, like, totally an expression of evolutionary
traits, or something. (And when, really, has a modified version of 19th century 'race science' ever let us down?). Long story short,
you're off the hook! Besides, there's at
least a few thousand over-worked, under-paid, under-appreciated women
volunteers out there holding shit down from their posts at funding-starved health
clinics, daycares, and the like. They're
totally on it! And, shit…don't forget
about all those Women's and Gender studies instructors out there as well. Since they're only teaching part-time at
schools that won't create tenure-lines, in programs unable to confer BA
degrees, they've got mad extra time to tackle all this pesky patriarchy
nonsense. That means there's a whole
bunch of people who are dealing with these problems so that you can either
relax guilt-free, or comfortably pat yourself on the back for being
anti-sexist.
When in doubt, just remember that women are natural born caregivers and nurturers, which means that they take to anti-domestic violence education and doing all-night volunteer shifts at rape crisis centers like a duck to water. You wouldn't really be good at that shit anyhow.
Enjoy the game (I'm sure there's one on).
